


breathe my air

by PinkJasMink



Series: The 30 day smutty challenge [17]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Asphyxiation, Breathplay, M/M, but it's quite short, do not do this at home pls, the usual smutty stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 05:27:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6643168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkJasMink/pseuds/PinkJasMink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not a subtle gesture, and neither is it something Erwin or Levi are unfamiliar with. But it's been a long time. A long time since Levi felt the need to place his life in Erwin's hands so intimately.</p>
            </blockquote>





	breathe my air

**Author's Note:**

> Have I finally returned from war?  
>  Day 17 !

The first few days after an expedition are always quiet. But they aren't calm. There's so much to do, writing reports, informing the families of fallen soldiers and already planning the next venture beyond the walls. It's that weird kind of silence that sits on everyone like a sickness. There's no light chit chat about the weather, no casual greetings. There's just horror and fear and sadness, quiet anger and the numbing feeling of helplessness.

There's nothing, nothing new when Levi writes his report. It's the same thing over and over again. They go, they fight, they die, they come back. Some of them. It's always the same thing. Nothing new between those lines, no clue, no new information. The soldiers die like flies and there's nothing they can do about it. They can just always try again and hope for something. Hope to find something. But they never do, do they?

Levi blinks to the dim light in the room, the candle almost burned down, his report finished. The words never really seem to change. Just the names and the numbers. It makes Levi wonder, how many names he's already written down, what number they would add up to. He wonders, how many soldiers the Survey Corps already lost, from the first day to this night. _A lot_ , comes to Levi's mind, but the word doesn't seem to do these people any justice. Not that Levi expects justice. He doesn't believe in justice. When something as fragile as life exists, there's nothing that can stand against it and be _just_.

It's silent, when Levi walks through the headquarters. It's already late and Levi figures, most of the soldiers already went to bed. He doubts they will get much sleep. They will get nightmares, be haunted by the smallest noise. Maybe someone already awoke with sweat running down their body just hearing Levi's footsteps echoing through the empty hallways.

Levi gets nightmares too. But he's used to them. He doesn't wake up terrified, sweating, gasping like he's trying to hold on to dear life. No, he just wakes up and opens his eyes and he knows, the nightmares aren't really nightmares. They aren't just dreams. They're real, one way or another and Levi's so used to the horror, that he hardly seems to mind any longer. It's good enough when he gets just a couple hours of sleep. No one among the Survey Corps sleeps exceptionally long.

When Levi steps through the door to the office of his Commander, he's not surprised to find Erwin still there. He doesn't even look up from his papers, just waves Levi over, so Levi closes the door and moves to place his report on Erwin's desk.

"Thank you Levi," Erwin says, eyes still on his desk, the papers that lie on the surface. The tone of his voice tells Levi he's dismissed, that he can go to his room and rest now. But Levi's not ready to rest. So he stays, unmoving, and watches Erwin flick through his papers. A minute or so passes, till Erwin seems to notice that Levi's still there. He looks up, his face marbled with calmness and horrors, just the way Erwin usually looks.

"Something else?" he asks and Levi's gaze trails down to the desk. It's not untidy, but not really tidy either. Erwin's busy, but Erwin is always busy. He still finds time for Levi and right now, maybe, Levi needs it.

"Yeah," he huffs, his gaze finding the blue of Erwin's eyes again. "Go to bed."

Levi doesn't say it because he cares. Well, he does, in a way, but Erwin doesn't look tired enough for Levi to feel the need to tell him to rest. He's just being responsible. Whereas Levi, is being selfish in that moment. He can't help it. Sometimes, he just can't.

"I'm not tired," Erwin says, almost a little surprised. Levi isn't sure if he really doesn't get it, but he has no problem making it more clear.

"Not to sleep," he says, pursing his lips just enough for the Commander to notice.

Erwin pauses for a moment, expression as unreadable as ever, and then he huffs out a small breath and slides his hands from the desk.

"Alright," he says and Levi nods.

Erwin's room is not that far from his office and while they walk, they're both silent. Levi can feel the silence clinging to them, making them sick like everyone else. It never changed, even after all those years. Levi doubts, it ever will. In the end, it's the easiest way to cope. It's the safest way Levi can think about. The silence sticks, but it also holds. It holds the knowledge that they have to experience this over and over and over again. Till they're the ones being left behind, torn to pieces by a Titan. And they have to live with that knowledge, but it's easier to keep quiet about it. Most of the time anyway.

When they reach Erwin's room, Levi steps inside first. He shrugs his jacket off while Erwin closes the door, locks it. It's quiet here too, aside from Levi starting to undress. Erwin places the candle he carried on his night shelf and starts doing the same. Levi takes his time, places everything he takes off neatly on a chair Erwin has standing around near the door while Erwin is less careful, just tosses his clothes onto the chest that stands near his bed. He stops after he took his gear off and waits till Levi did the same, then takes a step forward and grabs Levi to toss him onto the bed. It doesn't surprise Levi at all and he tangles his hands into Erwin's hair when he leans down to kiss him.

The silence gets interrupted by their heavy breaths, the slick sound that echoes from their lips when Levi sneaks his tongue into Erwin's mouth. He tastes like Erwin, but more like nothing. Levi doesn't mind, but tries to suck a little bit of flavour out of Erwin's tongue and rubs encouraging patterns into his scalp. Erwin doesn't answer or anything, not a huff or an extraordinarily loud breath, he just slides one of his hands down over Levi's chest and starts to flick the buttons open. After the last one came loose, Erwin presses his palm to Levi's abdomen, brushes the line of dark hair under Levi's navel with his thumb and Levi makes quick work of Erwin's shirt, almost rips the buttons off before he can yank the cloth from Erwin's shoulders.

Erwin breaks their row of kisses to straighten his back, shakes the shirt off and while it slides to the floor, Levi pushes himself up to do the same with his own shirt. It hardly left his grasp when Erwin's lips are back on his and the kiss more fierce, more in the moment. They start to pant, the kiss sloppy and desperate, covering up the silence Levi starts to forget. Erwin doesn't waste much time playing around, soon enough has Levi bare and hard, aching for some touch. Levi almost imagines Erwin smirking at him, but then he leans down and covers Levi's mouth with hungry kisses and Levi forgets it. He's starting to feel hot, rubs the bulge in Erwin's trousers with his palm and Erwin groans. It's such a delicious sound and Levi shivers with it, but then Erwin pulls away.

"Patience Levi," he says, almost teasing and slides from the bed. Levi just huffs, watches Erwin's back, the muscles moving under his skin, shadowed by the small candle. He takes the rest of his clothes off alone, reveals his perfectly sculptured ass and because Erwin isn't looking, Levi licks his lips. Unfortunately however, Erwin is not about wasting time, so Levi isn't graced with the sight for long. Erwin just gets a small flask from his drawer, something he always seems to bury there like a secret, and he pops it open when he slides back onto the bed.

Levi watches him with heavy eyes, raises his hips and moves them whichever way Erwin wants, makes room for his hands, his fingers, _him_. Erwin watches, but gives nothing, doesn't even nod, just settles to kneel between Levi's legs. There's no need for him to push Levi's legs apart while he coats his fingers with oil, no need to tell Levi what to do. And there's no need for Levi to beg either, he only swallows, brushes Erwin's erection that stands hard and ready against his abdomen with his eyes while he waits, but when Erwin's slick fingers sneak between his cheeks, he lets his head fall back and closes his eyes.

Erwin rubs the muscle patiently, but with pressure and it doesn't take long for the first finger to slip through. Levi parts his lips for a heavy breath and tries to suppress a shiver when Erwin's finger starts probing and curling, digging deeper. It's hard to relax for Levi, but Erwin makes him, rubs patterns into Levi's thigh with his free hand, forces Levi to open up with the relentless movements of his finger. When a second finger slips through, Levi exhales a first moan and he covers his face with his arm when Erwin pushes deeper. He starts twisting his wrist, his fingers brushing and rubbing, curling, stretching Levi slowly. It seems to take longer than usual and Levi bites his arm, trying to suppress his moans.

Erwin shifts and Levi blinks his eyes open when he feels his lips on his arm, releases the skin from his teeth to look at Erwin.

"Relax Levi," he says, soft, not like an order at all and Levi cusses when the fingers inside him curl, make him twitch. Erwin groans in response and covers Levi's lips with his own, fingers pushing deeper. Levi succumbs, breathes his moan into Erwin's mouth and Erwin starts moving his fingers faster, scissors Levi's hole till he can slip a third finger inside. Levi wants to clench, but Erwin doesn't let him, just keeps pushing and moving and Levi starts moaning when Erwin finds his prostate. He brushes it carefully, now covering Levi's neck with his mouth and Levi wants more.

"Enough," he breathes out, moving his own hips against Erwin's fingers greedily. "Just put it in already."

Erwin groans a low response, makes Levi twitch another time before he eases his fingers out. Levi lets a small noise escape, watches Erwin straightening his back. When he grabs for the oil again and rubs some of it over his length with closed eyes and parted lips, Levi swallows a shiver down.

Erwin's hands are hot when he touches Levi's hips and his grip digs deep when he pulls Levi's thighs onto his legs. Levi lets him, keeps his lips parted to make room for his heavy breathing and squeezes his eyes shut when Erwin's tip pushes against his twitching muscle. It's even hotter than Erwin's hands and even if Levi wanted to, there's no way he could possibly suppress the shiver that ripples up his spine when it slips. He moans and Erwin does too, keeps pulling Levi closer, moves his own hips till he's all the way inside, stretching Levi almost painfully. But just almost and when Erwin doesn't move, Levi blinks his eyes open to shoot him an impatient look.

"Move," he demands, and Erwin does. He doesn't start slow, just moves back and snaps his hips forward over and over again. Levi drapes his arm over his face again to muffle the noises he can't seem to suppress. His legs feel useless and Levi lets Erwin take over, hips trembling with every thrust he receives. Erwin takes the lead easily, but he seems to know something is different than usual as much as Levi does.

"You're thinking," he says, doesn't stop thrusting but leans down, closer to Levi's face again. He eases his hands off Levi's hips, one to steady himself, the other one reaching for Levi's arm to pull it away from his face. "Too much."

Levi grits his teeth and grabs for the hand, pushes it down onto his chest and tries to find his voice to answer. He doesn't seem to find it, is too busy receiving Erwin's harsh movements and doesn't exactly know what he's supposed to say anyway, so he wraps his fingers around Erwin's wrist and pushes Erwin's hand to his throat.

It's not a subtle gesture, and neither is it something Erwin or Levi are unfamiliar with. But it's been a long time. A long time since Levi felt like he needed this. A long time since he felt the need to place his life in Erwin's hands so intimately. It's safe to say Levi was in a different state of mind when he used to demand this. But it's different now. He doesn't want anything but Erwin's attention, his focus, his everything.

Erwin's eyes narrow, like he isn't as sure as Levi is, but he doesn't say anything, rubs Levi's Adam's apple carefully with his thumb and then wraps his hand around Levi's neck. Levi pushes into the grip, but Erwin doesn't squeeze, just rubs his thumb over the skin, still waiting for some words. Levi isn't sure if he can give Erwin what he expects, but he still breathes out some words, hardly thinking about it.

"Erwin," he starts, pausing for a messy moan when Erwin's hits his sweet spot. It sends numbing sparks to every muscle in Levi's body and his eyes flutter, but he keeps them locked with Erwin's.

"Do you think it's unfair, that we're still alive?"

Levi doesn't know why he asks, maybe because he thinks so, but Erwin doesn't answer. He closes his hand around Levi's throat and the pressure sends another row of sparks through Levi's body. But Erwin is careful, testing Levi with his grip that makes breathing hard for a couple of seconds before he lets go.

Levi pants and Erwin's hand caresses his chest, slow and gentle, but he quickens his pace because he knows Levi needs it. It knocks the breath out of Levi for an entirely different reason and behind the blue of Erwin's eyes, he can see him counting. And it's so good. It means Erwin is entirely here with him, nowhere else, feeding Levi's selfishness.

Erwin's hand comes to wrap around Levi's throat again, his fingers hot and thick where they touch the skin. His hand is heavy, but he doesn't squeeze, a question in his gaze. An easy question, one that Levi can answer with a nod. And Erwin's fingers curl, dig into Levi's skin, and then the air is gone. His first instinct tells Levi to fight, but looking up at Erwin, that blue gaze so completely lost in him, he knows better. He relaxes instead, let's Erwin breathe for him, listens to the blood he can hear rushing in his ears. It lasts for a few seconds before Erwin's grip is gone, Levi's body sucking in the air he was denied greedily.

Above him, Erwin groans, the sound loud when Levi hears clearly again. And he moans in response, the sound of Erwin's voice and their skin meeting in quick slaps when Erwin picks up his pace deliciously lewd. But it's not enough yet, Levi's hand finding Erwin's wrist to guide it back to his neck. He gives him a few seconds, the both of them, but when Levi nods, his fingers curl, tight and heavy around Levi's throat. And finally, Levi stops thinking.

With the air gone, the pressure of Erwin's hand, there's nothing to think about but how good it feels. Levi wants to breathe, but the ache in his lungs when he can't is sweeter than any inhale. His vision blurs, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes, till there's nothing left in the field of his vision but the blue of Erwin's eyes.

Erwin let's go slowly, let's Levi pant, feels out the heart hammering in Levi's chest with his hand. The touch is gentle, reassuring, gives them both a little break till Erwin's hand comes back to squeeze. And Levi savours every second of it, marvelling in the tears that blur his vision, yet never distract him from Erwin's burning gaze. His body tenses and relaxes with pleasure when his lungs scream for air, thoughts fuzzy when he watches Erwin breathe for him instead. And Erwin's thrusts are hard and unyielding, pushing him apart, his hand squeezing him tight. It washes away the thoughts Levi seemed to have before entirely, nothing left but Erwin.

Levi doesn't count how many times Erwin curls his hand around his throat, doesn't count how many times he nods in consent, but Erwin surely does, his voice a soft murmur in Levi's head when he squeezes tight again before letting go. But the words reach Levi anyway.

"Breathe," Erwin says, and Levi does. He's almost wheezing, the air caressing and stinging his lungs all the same and the feeling is enough to make him cry out. It's a broken sound, almost a sob when Levi's body tenses, squeezing hard around Erwin's cock inside him, toes and fingers curling. He comes like this, a shivering, sobbing mess under Erwin's watchful eye, still gasping for air with Erwin's name vibrating on his tongue. And Erwin holds him through it, warm hands caressing his skin, soft lips kissing his face till Levi is through, left soft and boneless on the mattress, insides clenching around nothing when Erwin pulls out, let's him catch his breath.

Levi isn't sure if he needed much time catching his breath, but he feels blissful afterwards. His cheeks are wet with tears, limbs buzzing pleasantly and stares up at Erwin without shame. He looks still hot, hair clutching to his skin with sweat and when Levi's gaze trails down he realises, Erwin didn't finish. He reaches out, but Erwin brushes his hand away, leans down instead to kiss Levi. He tastes more like Erwin now and Levi swallows the flavour down, the sound of Erwin jerking himself off between them. It doesn't take long till Erwin breaks the kiss, breath moist and hot on Levi's jaw, shooting his orgasm onto Levi's stomach. It feels warm and Levi reaches down to touch it when Erwin kisses him again, kisses the tears from Levi's face, silently inquiring if he's alright. And it's all Levi needs, his lips soft when he tells Erwin he is.

They don't get dressed afterwards, just prop themselves onto the mattress, close to each other and lie around. Erwin rubs the mess on Levi's skin all over his own hand, but Levi doesn't even care. He just curls his fingers around Erwin's hand and holds it. It's warm and alive and Levi wonders if Erwin thinks the same.

"No," Erwin murmurs into the silence, his lips soft on Levi's neck. "It's not unfair that we're still alive. It's just unfair that all the others had to die."

Levi didn't expect an answer, already forgot he asked in the first place and needs a moment to take the words in. When he does, he hums, rubbing Erwin's wet skin.

"Will it be unfair when you die?" he asks, knowing it will happen someday. Whether it will be beyond the walls or not, in a Titan's grasp or not. They will all die some day, saying _would_ instead of _will_ won't make a difference. Erwin knows that, breathes a small laugh into the crook of Levi's neck.

"Will it?" he asks back and Levi takes his time thinking about the answer. Not because he doesn't know it, but because he's not sure if he wants to say it. He decides, he does.

"Yeah," he says, huffing the words. "It will."

Erwin doesn't respond, doesn't move and Levi closes his eyes. He thinks about Erwin and how he always seems to know what to do. He knows what he's doing and he knows, when he sends soldiers into their death. Some would question whether Erwin was sincere when he said it was unfair, but Levi knows he was.

"Will it be unfair when I die?" he eventually asks, maybe hoping it won't. Unfair doesn't mean pointless, but Levi doesn't want his death to be anything. Maybe Erwin knows that, because he doesn't answer. He doesn't answer for so long, that Levi is sure he never will. But when Levi's mind starts to slow down, ready for rest, the answer comes.

"No," Erwin says, his voice a whisper against Levi's skin. Maybe he thinks, Levi is already asleep. "It won't be unfair. It will be devastating."

Levi doesn't answer, doesn't move for a long moment, just taking the words in. Behind him, Erwin grows silent, his calm breath brushing Levi's neck. It feels good and Levi pushes himself a little closer to the warm body behind him, brings Erwin's hand up to his mouth to kiss his knuckles. Erwin goes stiff, maybe really expected Levi to be asleep already, but Levi doesn't mind. He doesn't mind the answer Erwin gave him. He doesn't want his death to be anything, but maybe it's nice to know, that Erwin will miss him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have not. To be completely honest. I mean returned from war, my life is a mess these days.  
> So anyway, I've had this finished since... FOREVER, but I never liked it. I still don't think I do, but have it anyway. Maybe it will inspire me for the rest of this challenge, finally. If I can find the time x_x  
> So originally, since it fits so well, I wanted to write this for [Ashy.](http://erurilicious.tumblr.com/) But it's too bad to be a present lmao. I'm not satisfied, so I'm really sorry Ashy. Pls don't be too disappointed in me. Maybe one day!
> 
> As always you can check out the challenge on my [tumblr](http://pinkjasmink.tumblr.com/post/113144386243/30-days-nsfw-otp-challenge-kink-edition) or say hi :3 And yeah, see you soon hopefully!


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